Martial Law

No matter how cynical I get, I can’t keep up with these assholes.

That’s a quote I swiped from Lily Tomlin, modified to match our current situation. By current situation I specifically refer to the cesspool that is the Oval Office. You may notice I’m not saying “swamp.” That’s because I like swamps. Swamps are wetlands. Swamps are teeming with wildlife and full of wonder for nature lovers of every kind. How dare anyone compare the foul, reeking habitat of the Trump family with the pristine wonder of a natural swamp.

 

In fact, Trump would drain all of America’s swamps if he thought he could make a dime in doing it. And he would cap Old Faithful. And grind the majestic edifices of Yosemite and the Grand Canyon into dust in search of fossil fuel – for money. He would, in fact, destroy any natural wonder to make a buck because he’s Donald Trump. He respects nothing worthwhile, he honors no moral principle, and loves nobody but himself. He doesn’t even seem to love his children or other intimates; he just keeps them close and constantly tests them to make sure they are ready to do his bidding.

 

You may have gathered by now that I am not a fan of Donald Trump. But wait - I digress. Back to this issue of my ever-deepening cynicism.

 

What shocks me this week (different, as they say, from all other weeks) is the talk of martial law that took place in the Oval Office.

 

Martial law.

 

Martial law!

 

Good God.

 

The martial law proposal was apparently broached by well-known nut case and disgraced general, Michael Flynn. In a public speech last week he aired the idea that Trump could send in troops to Michigan, Georgia, and other swing states, redo the election, and see that Trump wins them this time. You know, just like Saddam Hussein used to do in his “elections.”

 

Flynn was in the Oval Friday along with fellow wacko Sidney Powell and one of them apparently introduced the martial law virus into Trumps’ all-too-vulnerable brain cells. This reportedly provoked a shouting match. Those advisors who are not completely lacking in common sense or traces of decency pushed back vigorously against Flynn and his fellow fascists, ultimately squashing (one hopes) this latest fever dream of Trump’s.

 

Can you picture martial law? Tanks and troop carriers roll into Detroit, Phoenix, and Atlanta, armed men fan out into every precinct’s voting stations and citizens are instructed – by crackling loudspeakers, maybe? – to report to their voting stations and prepare to vote by order of the Great and Ever-Winning Fuhrer.

 

W  T  F?

 

How could there be a shouting match over this prospect? The first person who brought this up (Flynn, no doubt) should have been mocked into silence and asked to leave the Oval Office permanently. But no. This is the Trump administration - America’s cesspool. I expected horrible things in the Trump White House, but I did not foresee this.

 

So, you see? I swear I am doing my best to keep up with these assholes, but wow.

 

Equally distressing is the fact that millions of my fellow citizens apparently think martial law would be a peachy idea. I will conclude with Exhibit A: some pictures of a neighbor’s house. I wonder if these folks are as shocked as I am about this high-level talk of martial law. I’m guessing no.