The Joy of Counting Unhatched Chickens

 My heart soared with happiness last Tuesday when Joe Biden asked Kamala Harris to join him on the Democratic ticket. As if that weren’t bliss begetting enough, Joe’s very sensible statement about facing down the coronavirus was like a freshly whispered dream of sweet serenity. 

Masks please, everyone!

 

I not only appreciated the solid advice he was giving the country, but I kind of felt as though he were already president just by virtue of the leadership he embodied. I’m guessing many others, at least briefly, had the same feeling I had - that the country was finally benefiting from the reassuring presence of a sensible, decent, and empathetic leader.

 

The news has been so ghastly lately – Trump trying to kneecap the Post Office in order to snuff out voters’ rights, Trump cranking up a new racist birther conspiracy against Kamala, the pandemic spreading unabated, millions facing financial stress even to the point of eviction, and so on. In the face of all the enraging and disgusting effects of Trump’s policies, I decided today that, as a counterweight, I would imagine what life will be like if, as is currently expected, Joe and Kamala take over in January.

 

I realize talking as though the good guys are going to win may give some people the uncomfortable feeling that I’m jinxing their prospects. But I need this moment of reverie right now. Some say you should never count your chickens before they hatch, but to them I say, “Screw it - count on!”

 

Think of all the wondrous effects a Biden-Harris leadership team can bring. First of all, consider the many crooks and thugs who will be sacked and bundled off to oblivion if not to Sing Sing next year. Think, for instance, of these shoddy-souled losers:

 

Vice President Mike Pence – “If you’re gay, ask me about a cure!”

 

Attorney General William Barr – “My slow, soft-spoken voice should convince you I’m not as crooked as I seem.”

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo – “I’m very loyal. Unlike my predecessor, I refuse to call Trump a ‘fucking moron’ out loud.”

 

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos – “No questions, please.”

 

Postmaster General Louis DeJoy – “Yes, we have your ballots. It would be a shame if anything happened to them.”

 

And so on.

 

Can you imagine the lifting of American spirits that will (may) be brought about by a cabinet that included Attorney General Stacey Abrams, Secretary of State Julian Castro, Secretary of Defense Pete Buttigieg, Secretary of Labor Andrew Yang, UN Ambassador Mitch Landrieu, and so on? My heart leaps up at the very thought.

 

Also, there is the amazing Susan Rice who has long been determined to see her native Washington DC become a state. So have at it, Ms. Rice. Your dream could very well become a reality with Joe and Kamala in charge. But we couldn’t call the new state Washington, so what would it be? Maybe it could be the Great State of Martin, after the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.

 

And of course the Supreme Court. With a rejuvenated court we could keep defending women’s right to choose and, just as important, we would be able to overturn the godawful Citizens United decision. That decision was nothing more than an invitation to crooks and sleazeballs to push their selfish agendas under cover of darkness. How a seemingly decent guy like Chief Justice John Roberts could have supported that decision, I’ll never know, but with new and improved, Biden-appointed justices, that blunder will be corrected.

 

I feel better just thinking about this prospect. Of course, I have to acknowledge those who will say I’ve jinxed our prospects just by speculating about a Biden-Harris victory, but, if you could see me now, you would notice that I am countering the jinx by knocking on wood! Tap tap.

 

And if that isn’t safeguard enough, there’s always, “Buttercup!

 

When the World Thinks You're a Loser - Just Make Up Your Own Alternative Universe!

I have long said that I didn't really underestimate Donald Trump; I merely overestimated American voters. But now, for the first time, I confess that I have indeed underestimated him. I mean, I never expected his behavior to reach such lofty levels of lunacy so early in his administration

And I’m not the only one. When Trump downgraded the role of the Joint Chiefs on the National Security Council, and replaced them with white supremacist Stephen Bannon, former National Security Advisor Susan Rice tweeted, “This is stone cold crazy. After a week of crazy. Who needs military advice or intell to make policy on ISIL, Syria, Afghanistan, DPRK?”

                           Susan Rice  (Thanks NPR)

Until now I’ve had only three criticisms of Trump:

      1.     He’s an outrageous liar.

      2.     He has a pathetically obvious need for approval underlying a pathological narcissism.

3.     He’s an ignoramus about both national and international politics.

Except for being grossly dishonest, psychologically unfit for office, and stupid about politics, I find him A-OK. 

Well no. Now that I think about it, I should also mention that he’s crude, vulgar, bigoted, and shockingly selfish. Also, he's a  sexual predator and an all-around bully.

When I say Trump is an outrageous liar, I mean he is in a class by himself. He’s not an ordinary political liar who says things like, “I did not have sex with that woman,” or “Read my lips. No new taxes,” or “We did not, repeat, did not trade arms for hostages.” Such garden variety lying we have come to expect from our leaders. With Trump, about 50% of his utterances are outrageous and easily disproven lies, like, “Thousands of Muslims cheered in New Jersey on 9/11,” and “I did not support the Iraq War,” and “I did not mock a reporter with a disability,” and “It was 3 to 5 million illegal voters that kept me from winning the popular vote,” and, finally, “My inauguration crowd was bigger than Obama’s.”

These are not just ordinary lies, these are lies that have been proven false. They are also, for the most part, lies whose sole purpose is to make Donald Trump look amazing.

This is his overriding problem. He can’t be trusted. Or, to put it another way, he can be trusted to construct an alternate universe, unconnected to reality, in which he is a magnificent winner and all his opponents are losers.

Here’s a bit more evidence on this point. Today on CNN’s Inside Politics, correspondent John King reported that he had recently texted a senior administration official to point out to him one of Trump’s “alternative facts.”

King: “It’s just wrong, it’s factually wrong. Why [do] you keep saying it?”

Senior Trump official: “We don’t care what you say. We’re louder than you.”

King’s conclusion was that the Trump people don’t seem to think they need to answer for their lies, or reality itself, so long as their base stands by them.

It’s all part of what comedian Bill Maher calls Trump’s War on Facts.

Trump, with his “alternative facts” has established an entirely separate universe, one in which the facts that normal people accept as self-evident, don’t apply. I wonder if his next proposal will be for the U.S. government to extend recognition to this alternative universe. In the meantime, could we possibly refrain from having “Hail to the Chief” played when Trump steps up to the dais? In its place, I recommend the theme from “Looney Tunes.”