Donald Trump is very proud of his amazing
performance on a test which included a measure of his ability to remember five common nouns.
(Extra credit for remembering them in the correct order.) However, I believe that
he is not properly honoring other great American test-takers and the astonishing scores they
managed to rack up in their testicular challenges. To correct this oversight,
I am hereby offering the following capsule histories of the most prominent of
these extraordinary leaders from our past.
First, there is Richard Nixon, who, in 1973 scored an impressive 97 out
of 100 on his “Just How 'Not-a-Crook' Am I?” ethical character exam.
Then, in 1998, Bill Clinton racked up a robust 89 on his
“Can You Not Try to Seduce the Next Woman You Meet?” test.
Walter Mondale’s score of 49 (out of 50) on his “How Many States Can You Win in the Next Election?” exam was attention-getting if not
quite as amazing as Trump’s five out of five remembered nouns.
Looking further back in history, we should note
George Armstrong Custer’s 95 on his “Are You Smarter than a Cheyenne Indian?”
final exam.
And, of course, we would be remiss to neglect mention of
Benedict Arnold’s straight-up 100 on the “How Truly American Are You?” challenge
of 1779.
My point is simply this: Trump, while glorying in
the stable geniosity shown by his noun test, forgot for a moment the incredulous
humility for which he is equally well known. So now, Mr. President, carry on, but please
don’t forget these other great American test-takers who have gone before you.
No comments:
Post a Comment