Republicans on Right vs. Wrong

Watching GOP lawmakers during the impeachment hearings has led me to wonder how they decide what is acceptable behavior for an American president. To resolve this question, I invited key GOP members of the House along with Senator Marco Rubio to the Sandspur Café, my local watering hole. I was pleased to see not only Senator Rubio, but Congressmen Will Hurd, Jim Jordan, and Devin Nunes trickle into the café and seat themselves at my table. Once we were all comfortably seated and provided with libations, I plunged immediately into the questions at hand. 

Me: Okay, so President Trump held back vital military aid from the Ukrainians, while the Russians attacked them, and then demanded a quid pro quo: Ukraine’s President Zelensky had to announce an investigation into Hunter Biden’s activities and also had to look into Ukrainian interference in the 2016 election. Now, do you all agree that he was wrong to do this?

Devin Nunes: No.

Marco Rubio: Of course not.

Jim Jordan slams his fist on the table and spits aggressively on the café floor.

Me: I’ll take that as a “No.” What do you think Congressman Hurd?

Will Hurd: Well, what President Trump did was wrong, but it doesn’t warrant impeachment.

Jordan: Okay, wait a minute. We’re going to have to caucus out back for a minute. Let’s go, Hurd.

They walk out the backdoor of the café and, after a few minutes during which loud thuds and the crashing of trash barrels can be heard, Jordan, Nunes, and Rubio re-enter and sit down.

Jordan (blowing softly on his chafed knuckles): It’s unanimous. We all agree the president did nothing wrong.

Me: What about Congressman Hurd?

Rubio: He’s indisposed right now.

Nunes: Why do you witch-hunting media types keep trying to make President Trump look bad? In the meantime, you just let the Ukrainians get away with interfering in our elections.

Me: But the Ukrainians never interfered in our elections. The Russians did.

Nunes: Says who?

Me: Says Robert Mueller, the CIA, and all the other U.S. intelligence agencies.

Nunes: What do they know? Putin says Ukraine interfered in our election and he is very strong when he says it.

Me: But…Okay, never mind. I’d just like to know what you think about Trump’s actions. He withheld military equipment from our Ukrainian allies in order to promote his own personal interests. What does this say about the future? You may set a precedent here that allows other presidents to turn U.S. policy into private instruments of personal power, you know, like Idi Amin did in Uganda, or Ferdinand Marcos in the Philippines. Aren’t you at all worried about what future presidents may try to get away with?

Jordan: Well, the good ones are held to a different standard. They should be able to do whatever the hell they want.

Me: Which ones are the good ones?

Jordan: The white guys who give big tax breaks to millionaires.

Rubio (looking dreamily off into space): And, also the Cuban ones…

Me: But think about Lend Lease during World War II. Britain desperately needed ships to save it from Nazi submarine attacks. Would it have been okay for Franklin Roosevelt to say to Winston Churchill, “You can have the ships only after you slander one of my political opponents”?

Nunes: I don’t know. Was Franklin Roosevelt a Republican?

Jordan: Enough of your media-type “gotcha” questions. President Trump can do what he wants to the Ukrainians because he’s a stable genius and he is making America great again!

Nunes: Yeah. Duh.

Jordan: Let's go Nunes!

Meanwhile, Senator Rubio just sat silently looking dreamily off into space.
 

                            Photo: From Orlando Weekly

And so ended my search for the Republicans' sense of right and wrong.

Now Is the Time for GOP Senators to Take a Stand that History Will Remember

I wish I had Tom Steyer’s money. And not so I could finally buy that chalet in Vevey I’ve long dreamed of. Well yes, there’s that, but right now I see a more pressing need.

If I had Steyer’s millions I would put some of it on the table as a gift to any Republican senator who would be willing to advertise his loyalty to Donald Trump. Specifically, I would offer to pay for a billboard in any GOP senator’s home town that featured a picture of him or her alongside Trump and captioned thus: “I stand with Donald Trump, a man of fine character who is making America great!”

Each billboard (should anyone take up the offer) would cost several thousand dollars, but this is chump change to Tom Steyer. In any case, it’s quite possible, even probable, that not a single Republican senator would accept such an offer because they are beginning to understand that Trump is going down in history as a national disaster and a personal disgrace. They won’t admit this in public, but most of them seem to know it.

And that’s the point. If Steyer himself were to publicize such an offer, how would these Republican senators, as they refused his gift, explain themselves to Trump and Trump’s base? It would be lots of fun watching them try.

 The GOP - where the watchwords are Courage! Patriotism! Character!

So, what do you say, Mr. Steyer? Here is a worthy use to which your fortune could be put. Also, if that idea works out, I have another proposal relating to Switzerland that I’d like to discuss with you.

Bozo the Conman Strikes Again

As usual, craziness comes spewing out of the Oval Office at such a pace that you gotta struggle to keep up with it. A few days ago, it was reported that one of Trump’s overheard conversations with a foreign leader aroused serious and urgent concern in a White House intelligence staffer about national security. Trump’s response to this news was a series of tweets (of course) that included this:

“…is anybody dumb enough to believe that I would say something inappropriate with a foreign leader while on such a potentially ‘heavily populated’ call.”

This was obviously the wrong question to ask. The correct question would be:

“Am I, Donald J. Trump, dumb enough to say something inappropriate with a foreign leader while on a ‘heavily populated’ call?”

The answer is YES! Definitely YES! A thousand times YES! YES! YES!

But, in the constant swirl of disturbing news that is Trump’s trademark, we now find that it wasn’t stupidity underlying Trump’s allegedly inappropriate call; it was that other Trumpian trademark: corruption.

Not all of the news around the phone call has been verified, but here’s what seems to have happened based on the Washington Post’s initial report and follow-ups by the New York Times and other media: Trump contacted Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky several times over this past summer in an effort to get him to help turn up dirt on Joe Biden or the Biden family. Trump’s sudden and unexpected threat to suspend military aid to the Ukrainians – aid which had been allocated to help them defend themselves against Putin’s brutal invasion – was apparently the leverage our esteemed president was using to get cooperation from Zelensky. In other words, Trump’s communications with the Ukrainian president seems to have been along these lines: “Well, Zelensky, nice little country you have there. It would be a shame if you were invaded by the Russians and you didn’t have the weapons you need to defend yourself. By the way, I’m looking for help in digging up dirt on my political opponents. What are your thoughts?”

Admittedly we don’t have all the facts of the case yet since, as usual, Trump and his lackeys in the so-called Justice Department are blocking access to those facts. So, it could turn out that Trump was not at all engaged in sleazy, thuggish, and unpatriotic behavior. If that winds up being the case, I will hasten to tweet an apology. I do not expect such an apology is going to be necessary.

 Is anybody dumb enough to believe that I could get thrown in jail for cheating on my taxes???