So House Speaker John Boehner is retiring. Mr.
Boehner made this surprise announcement in what the New York Times described as
“an emotional meeting.” Actually, emotional meetings are the only kind the
famously tearful Boehner has been having lately. Lucky for him he has a penis,
because a female Speaker who cried that much would have been ousted years ago
for being too soft.
The other news of last week was that Scott Walker suspended
his presidential campaign. “Suspended” is politician bullshit for quit. I’m not
sure why candidates nowadays say suspended instead of quit, but it has become the
standard verbiage.
Walker, one of the least likable of the GOP
candidates, had the support of less than one half of one percent of Republican
voters. As Stephen Colbert pointed out, the other 15 GOP presidential
contenders will now have to fight over his former supporters. All two of them.
Anyway, with Walker out, somebody else is apparently going to have to carry on
the struggle to build a wall against Canadian immigrants.
Walker’s biggest claim to fame was not his
ferocious anti-Canadianness, but his relentless battle against unions, a battle
that made him a hero of right-wing Republicans. And why shouldn’t he go after
the unions? What have the unions ever done for us?
(Well, they fought tirelessly to bring about the
40-hour work week, with weekends off and obligatory overtime pay – all things
that the conservatives of the day were against.)
Okay, but besides that, what have they ever done
for us?
(Come to think of it, they fought for the 8-hour
work day, unemployment insurance, paid vacations. Also, retirement benefits.)
Yeah, but besides those things what have they ever
done for us???
(Occupational safety standards, paid time off for
illness, an end to child labor.)
But besides giving us the weekend, the 8-hour day,
the 40-hour week, overtime pay, health benefits, paid vacations, unemployment
compensation, safety standards, retirement benefits, and laws against child
labor, what else have the unions done for us? NOTHING!*
It’s no wonder Scott Walker is so well loved by
people like the Koch brothers.
Here’s a thought provoker: What if the final election
were between Scott Walker and Donald Trump? Who would you vote for – the dishonest,
mean spirited political operator or the flamboyant, shallow-minded egomaniac? I
can hardly believe I’m saying this, but I’d have to go with Trump. A Trump
presidency would immediately face us with the insanely impossible and unethical
task of trying to “repatriate” 11 million undocumented immigrants, so that’s a
negative. Also, Trump seems to want to rewrite the Fourteenth Amendment to keep
people from being born into U.S. citizenship.
Admittedly these are downsides, but compared to
the horror of a Scott Walker presidency, I would take them. And besides, it
would almost be worth it to have a Trump presidency**, just for the fun of
seeing him try to “deal” with Congress.
Then there are the others: Ben Carson, for example
- the religious fundamentalist who apparently thinks Christianity is the only
religion a president should have. A Carson presidency would make it easier for
ISIS to convince the Muslim world that America is anti-Islam. We aren’t, of
course, but there are plenty of American conservatives who beg to differ – like
that strange audience member who addressed Donald Trump on this issue earlier
this month.
I am still inclined to think Jeb is going to wind
up with the nomination. His strongest challenger is, I believe, Marco Rubio. I
first saw Rubio campaign some years ago here in Florida, and I was impressed.
Not for his policy positions which ranged from the dishonest to the absurdly
pro-corporate, but for his public speaking skills. Unlike Jeb, or Hillary, for
that matter, Rubio is good on the stump. He is the kind of smooth operator who
can get people to believe things that are clearly untrue, and make them like
him at the same time.
But I believe Jeb will probably get the GOP nod
(though I am less completely sold on this prospect than I once was). If Jeb is
the candidate, that would rule out fellow Floridian Rubio as a running mate,
unless Jeb were to do what Cheney did in 2000 and pretend he was actually from
another state.
One aspect of Jeb’s lame campaigning style is his
weakness in public speaking generally. I attended a speech he gave back in 2007
when he was nearing the end of his governorship here. At Q and A time, I asked him
if he didn’t owe an apology to those Floridians whose right to vote he had
stripped away during the 2000 election. He responded first with a joke, and
then with a regurgitation of insultingly obfuscating double-talk that led me to
walk out on him as he spoke – the kind of rude gesture from which I ordinarily
refrain. He did not, by the way, apologize to those his administration had
wronged.
And then there is this: Jeb recently said with
reference to African-Americans that, “Our message is one of hope and
aspiration. It isn’t one of division and get in line and we’ll take care of you
with free stuff. Our message is one that is uplifting – that says you can
achieve earned success.”
“And so,” he might have added, “I hope
African-Americans everywhere will feel uplifted by my labeling them a bunch of
lazy goof-offs who vote Democratic because they like standing around waiting for free stuff.”
The presidential race has been heating up lately,
but it will be over in just about 13 months. Thirteen more months. That’s so
depressing. What will I do to amuse myself when it’s over?
(Thanks to the Roper Center of the University of Connecticut for this image.)
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*Humble apologies to Monty Python for this theft.
**Not really.
